Pastor Benjamin’s Wisdom on Godly Parenting

    Recently, one powerful quote that deeply convicted me to take parenting more seriously comes from Jonathan Leeman in his book Authority: “Without the power of discipline, authority is toothless, even substance-less. Take away someone’s power of discipline and you effectively take away their authority.”  [1] After my first son was born in the year 2021, I realized my calling was far greater than simply providing for him and my family. I understood that I was called to build a legacy of faith, to pass on not just my beliefs but a life rooted in Christian moral values and godly conduct. This is a burden I carry daily in prayer.

How Should a Christian Parent Discipline Their Children?

To raise my children in a godly way, I must discipline them; however, I need to know how to do it effectively. This question led me to someone I deeply respect—my pastor and former professor, Benjamin George. His biblical wisdom on parenting and discipline has transformed the way I lead my children. Whether or not you agree with his counsel, I have embraced it wholeheartedly.

Start Discipline Early — Yes, Even Spanking (With Wisdom)

I grew up receiving loving spankings from my parents. However, in Northeast India, we rarely see parents spanking their children today. The fear of being labeled as abusive and modern concerns about mental health have made many parents avoid any form of physical discipline. Honestly, I was once skeptical about spanking, too. But when I approached Pastor Benjamin for parenting guidance, he firmly told me, You shouldn’t be ashamed of spanking your kids. According to Pastor Benjamin, gentle spanking can begin as early as 18 months to 2 years, when children start understanding basic commands like “no.” At this stage, the goal isn’t pain or punishment. It’s to help the child associate actions with consequences in a loving and age-appropriate manner. “Spanking should never be harsh,” he says. “It should be done with calmness and prayer—always out of love, never in anger.” He adds that by the age of 6 or 7, spanking should gradually give way to non-physical forms of discipline, such as loss of privileges. I completely agree; after all, we can't keep spanking our kids forever. The Bible clearly says, "Whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him" (Proverbs 13:24 ESV). 

Dear parents, let’s not shy away from disciplining our kids!

Correct Disrespect Immediately

One of the Ten Commandments instructs us to “Honor your father and your mother, so that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you” (Exodus 20:12 ESV). This teaching is echoed in Ephesians 6:1-3. Dishonoring parents is strictly condemned in Scripture. Should we remain silent when our children speak back, raise their voices, or argue with us? Are these not signs of dishonor? Pastor Benjamin stresses that if disrespect is left uncorrected, it can lead children to dishonor not only their parents but also God. In his words, “Children who dishonor their parents often struggle later in life, in the church, in society, and even in their walk with God.” If the child is under 6–7 years old, spank them immediately in a loving and controlled way. For older children, use firm correction, consistent boundaries, and scripture-based conversations to restore respect.

Physical Rebellion in Teens Is a Serious Issue

Today, many teenagers display shocking levels of rudeness, not only to elders but also to their peers and parents. They believe the world revolves around them and act according to their own will. What should you do if your teenage child becomes physically aggressive? Pastor Benjamin considers this a major breach of biblical order. In extreme cases, he advises that the teen be removed from the home until there’s clear evidence of repentance and heart transformation. This is going to be a very difficult situation, and I sincerely pray that it will never happen to any parents. 

The Discipline Stick: A Visual Reminder

One effective traditional tool Pastor Benjamin recommends is keeping a discipline stick visible at home. This isn’t about promoting fear but about maintaining structure and authority. “Sometimes just pointing to the stick is enough to correct behavior,” he explains. “When necessary, it should be used with wisdom and love, not anger.” The stick serves as a visual reminder that parental authority is real and active.

Disciplining a Child While in a Happy Mood

Let me share a personal story. My wife and I had repeatedly told our son, Jenchung, not to tear papers from books or notebooks. One afternoon, he disobeyed. We didn’t discover it until later that evening. After dinner, we had a joyful time together as a family. Suddenly, I heard Jenchung crying. I rushed to the bedroom and found out that my wife had just spanked him for the earlier offense. I was emotional because he had been so happy moments before.  I began to question if it was wise to discipline a child when they’re in a happy mood. Later, Pastor Benjamin gave me wise counsel: Disobedience should be corrected immediately, regardless of the child’s mood. Delaying discipline diminishes its impact and may send the wrong message.

Appropriate Parts of the Body to Spank

We should never spank our kids just for the sake of spanking, and we must never do so on inappropriate parts of the body. Pastor Benjamin offers practical guidance on this. He teaches that spanking should be limited to the fleshy part of the body from the buttocks to the legs. He suggests using a small stick instead of the hand. Some parents prefer using their palm for better control, while others opt for a stick to ensure the hand is always associated with comfort and love. I agree with him. I’ve seen many parents pull their children’s ears, yank their hair, or slap them in the name of discipline. This is extremely excessive and should never be done. 

Sharing the Gospel with Our Children

We’ve talked much about discipline. But always remember: discipline must be done with love, never out of anger. Now, let’s talk about sharing the Gospel with our children. I’ve shared the Gospel with my son, Jenchung (now 3 years and 7 months old), several times. It hasn’t been easy. I was curious about how Pastor Benjamin shared the Gospel with his children. He said, “Start by helping them recognize sin. When they disobey, explain that their behavior is called sin and that sin is wrong. Help them understand that all of us are born sinners.” 

Dear parents, God has given us a divine opportunity to raise godly children. Let’s seize it and share the Gospel boldly and consistently with them.

What Is the Best Thing Pastor Benjamin Has Ever Done for His Children?

What is the best thing you have ever done for your kids? Keep that thought in mind—we’ll come back to it shortly. In a world where people are consumed with building careers and chasing wealth, family devotion time is becoming increasingly rare. I remember growing up with evening family devotions, led by my mother. Those moments shaped me and are some of my most cherished memories. When I asked Pastor Benjamin what the best thing he ever did for his children was, his answer was simple yet profound: Leading them in regular family devotions. Every day, they sing songs, read Scripture together, and pray as a family. So now, what is the best thing you’ve ever done for your kids? There’s nothing greater than teaching them to fear God. There’s nothing more meaningful than leading them to Christ.

Parenting is a privilege—yes, it's also a huge responsibility! Even if we faithfully apply all the practical wisdom mentioned above, without regularly praying for our children, our efforts will lack true fruitfulness. Let’s depend on God while also faithfully carrying out our responsibilities. 

So, parents, let us discipline our kids! And let us also raise our kids with prayer. 

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[1] Jonathan Leeman, Authority: How Godly Rule Protects the Vulnerable, Strengthens Communities, and Promotes Human Flourishing (Wheaton, IL: Crossway, 2023), 121