THE PASTOR'S FAMILY: SHEPHERDING YOUR FAMILY THROUGH THE CHALLENGES OF PASTORAL MINISTRY BY BRIAN CROFT AND CARA CROFT

 

The Pastor’s Family: Shepherding Your Family Through the Challenges of Pastoral Ministry by Brian Croft and Cara Croft is divided into three parts. Part 1 explores the inner struggles and spiritual burdens of pastoral ministry, emphasizing that the health of a pastor’s ministry flows from the health of his own heart before God. Part 2 highlights the unique challenges and blessings of a pastor’s wife, stressing the importance of understanding and grace in how a husband cares for his wife. And Part 3 focuses on shepherding the pastor’s children with love and encourages pastors and their wives to disciple their children together in faith and godliness.

I appreciate how the author weaves in the vital importance of nurturing a pastor's family and his own spiritual vitality, illustrated through the cautionary examples of John Wesley and George Whitefield, who prioritized ministry at the devastating expense of their marriages. I also admire the author's skillful launch into the subject matter. Reading the introduction deeply moved me and allowed me to grasp his overarching thoughts and vision for the book as a whole. It serves as a sobering warning for me, as someone who has experienced pastoral ministry and eagerly anticipates returning to it. As I absorbed the introduction, I felt a profound conviction to prioritize caring for my wife and children above all else—save for God Himself.

On page 36, the author hits the bull's-eye when he writes, “A pastor’s neglect of his family cannot simply be blamed on the pressures, demands, and unrealistic expectations that have been placed on him. In the end, the struggle he faces—and the neglect of the family—has one root cause: a sinful heart.” This may sound rude to many pastors, but in the end, it is a trustworthy statement. During my pastoral ministry, one of the pressures that some members demanded from me was visiting all 195 members regularly—and I was the sole pastor. The demand was indeed extremely high, and they were not willing to hire another pastor. So, it was an unrealistic expectation! I came home with a heavy heart, thinking I could not work like this anymore. Yes, it is true, and I am speaking from my own experience: when such demands and unrealistic expectations are placed on pastors, they tend to fulfill them in order to accommodate. And in return, they neglect their family's needs. However, the author points that problem back to our sinful hearts. As the author says on the following page, being enslaved to the demands of approval and appearance could reveal a sinful struggle with the fear of man.

In Chapter 2, the author writes something that opens my eyes wide and reassures me of why pastors bear such huge responsibilities. He says, “The sins a pastor commits have consequences for himself, for his family, and for the church he serves.” This is something very scary! Even the smallest sin—which people often undermine, though there is no such thing as a small sin, meaning one with lesser impact—if a pastor commits it, will heavily impact the church. This is a stern warning for me as I prepare to pastor a church. In this context, the author is talking about the sin of neglecting his family, but the principle can apply broadly.

In chapter 3, Cara’s words deeply touch my heart. As I reflect on them, I realize that being in ministry is not easy. She says, “Ministry is a way of life that requires us to constantly pour ourselves out for others, giving sacrificially of our time, resources, and emotions. It is a life that demands selflessness as we serve others.” In my past pastoral ministry, there was little emphasis on discipleship and hospitality, yet my family often felt overwhelmed by the number of people who came for prayer, counseling, and meetings. We rarely had family time when we needed it most. I believe that unless we are willing to continually pour ourselves out for others, ministry may not be the right option for us.

Cara writes about something that truly reflects my own family’s experience in ministry. My wife loves serving people—whether they come to our home or we meet them in public settings. I once felt that she should undergo baking training so she could be even more fruitful in her service. But that never happened. However, as I read Cara’s words on pages 78–80, they gently corrected my thinking. She writes that baking bread for church members can indeed be a wonderful way to serve, but a pastor’s wife doesn’t have to sew or bake to be fruitful. While one woman may be gifted to play the piano or sing in the choir, another may be gifted to lead a small group. We are more than stereotypes—we are unique women of God, each distinctly gifted for our husbands and our churches. Her words completely changed my understanding and perspective.

I am deeply encouraged by the story of a deacon (pp. 107–108) from the church where the author Brian serves as pastor. This deacon, a father of seven children, made it a habit to meet one-on-one with one person each week to read Scripture and pray together. His commitment is truly remarkable, and I desire to emulate this lifestyle. I come from a place where pastors are often criticized for poor parenting, and where pastors’ children are sadly known for unruly behavior—even drug addiction in some cases. This has always been one of my greatest fears, especially as God has blessed me with two beautiful boys. Yet, the story of this faithful deacon fills me with hope and renewed encouragement.

On pages 122–123, in the section “Pastor and His Wife Parenting Together,” I was deeply drawn to the author’s valuable suggestions—especially about reading the upcoming Sunday’s sermon passage during family worship and singing a hymn planned for that Sunday. The first practice helps the pastor gain meaningful insights from his wife and children, while also preparing them to listen and grasp the sermon more fully. The second prepares their hearts for worship and encourages active participation. These insights have inspired me and my wife to parent our children together more intentionally in both faith and worship.

I would like to recommend this book to my pastor friends and their wives back home. Lately, I have been missing them and home so much. I long to see them and be reunited again. As I read this book, they are constantly on my mind.